Written by That is the Question!” – If Shakespeare Had to Deal with Social Media
Our quill-wielding hero, William Shakespeare, remains locked in a battle of wits with the 21st century. Having barely survived his encounter with the tyrannical autocorrect, he now faces a new, equally perplexing beast: “Twittereth,” a platform where pronouncements are limited to a mere “280 characters” (a concept Shakespeare finds bafflingly restrictive).
The Bard, ever eager to connect with his audience (or perhaps just boast about his latest play, “Hamlet: The Musical”), has decided to embrace this new form of public discourse.
Shakespeare (typing furiously, ignoring the character limit): Hark, gentle followers! Attend my words! For I, William Shakespeare, have birthed yet another theatrical marvel, a tragedy most grand, wherein a melancholy Dane doth ponder existence whilst avenging his father’s most foul murder most foul, and there be ghosts and sword fights and a skull most eloquent, and thou canst purchase thy tickets with but a few clicks of thy…
Twittereth (a red warning flashes): Character limit exceeded.
Shakespeare stares at the screen, aghast. “But… but I have barely scratched the surface of young Hamlet’s existential angst! How can one convey the nuances of grief and betrayal in such meager terms?”
He tries again, attempting to condense his sprawling thoughts.
Shakespeare (typing): Hamlet v sad. Ghost dad wants revenge. Lots of drama. Tix on sale now! #Tragedy #Denmark #Skulls
A Reply Appears from @Lizzy_Rox: OMG boring! Where r the dragons? 😂
Shakespeare recoils as if struck by lightning. “Dragons? In my Hamlet? Hath this personage even seen a tragedy? Where is the poetry? The profound exploration of the human condition?” He attempts a reply, his fingers clumsy on the tiny keyboard.
Shakespeare (typing): Prithee, good madam, know that this play delves into the very…
Autocorrect: Prithee, good madam, know that this play delves into the very pre…
Shakespeare (deleting and retyping): This play is about…
Autocorrect: This play is bout…
He sighs, the ghost of a frustrated groan escaping his lips. He decides on brevity, hoping for clarity.
Shakespeare (typing): Hamlet: Sad Prince. Dead King. Revenge plot. Go see.
A Reply Appears from @BardFan4Life: OMG can’t wait! Will there be a scene with a talking skull? 💀
Shakespeare brightens slightly. At least one person understands! He tries to reply with enthusiasm.
Shakespeare (typing): Aye, a skull doth speak most…
Autocorrect: Aye, a skull doth speak most steak…
“Steak?” Shakespeare splutters. “A skull that speaks of… of cooked meat? What madness is this digital realm?”
He gives up on replying and decides to craft a new tweet, focusing on a memorable line.
Shakespeare (typing): To be or not to be…
Twittereth (another reply appears instantly from @DeepThoughtsGuy): Deep. 🤔
Shakespeare stares blankly at the response. “Deep? Is that all? Years I toiled over that soliloquy, exploring the very essence of life and death, and this… this knave deems it merely ‘deep’?”
He closes the “Twittereth” app with a defeated swipe. Perhaps some thoughts are too grand, too profound, to be distilled into bite-sized digital pronouncements. Perhaps the stage, with its soaring verse and captive audience, is still the only true kingdom for the Bard’s mighty words.
But fear not, gentle readers! For even in his social media struggles, the comedic potential of Shakespeare colliding with the modern age is far from over. Tune in next time, when we explore what happens when the Bard attempts to navigate the treacherous waters of online dating!